Memory is tied to emotion. We usually remember a situation not because of the facts but because of the how we felt when it was happening. All our thoughts that we had took place together with the emotions we were experiencing. When we want to talk about it to whom it may concern, we want to do it at the time when we were still able to feel the emotions vividly. That is why your emotions are more real than your thoughts. Your feelings are more intelligent than your purely rational and emotion lacking thoughts.
The fallacy of not engaging in communication or to talk it out until a certain amount of time has passed in order to “cool off” is that, those emotions will no longer be as readily felt and therefore whatever you wanted to say is no longer are clear as before. This time, the conversation is no longer as authentic as it would have been if it was allowed to take place when you were still feeling the emotions, because you are not able to say all that you wanted to say. It has to wait until the next time some of the things you didn’t talk about took place again and it triggers the same emotions, then are you able to remember and talk about it.
Don’t you see the incredible stupidity of this? Those who are afraid and too weak to engage in emotional conversations cause the same patterns of undesirable events to happen over and over again because every time the parties involved are feeling the emotions, they don’t want to talk about it. They’d rather wait until another time when the emotions are less strong so that they can talk about it in a less emotional way. The advice of “let’s talk about it after we have cooled off” just doesn’t cut it, especially when it comes to the fact that emotions are the essence of the communication. You should talk about it when you are feeling it! What is there to talk about when you no longer feel it? Other than the usual “Oh, it’s ok now”, “what’s past is past”, “I can’t really remember everything I wanted to say”, there is absolutely nothing!
Can you feel the emotions of how stupid this really is? Well, that is how you will remember all these insights. Sometimes the “common wisdom” of the world may not be truly that wise after all.
But still, the wisdom of “waiting awhile after feeling emotional before expressing yourself” is true in some sense. You should wait for awhile but not too long and not too short. Take enough time to consider your feelings before expressing them so that it will not be a reaction but a response. When you are clear that the thing you are going to say or do is an authentic one, then go ahead and say or do it along with the emotion you are feeling. That is the whole key, to respond instead of to react but to respond quickly before the intention or emotional energy that goes with it dies down and you are left with a weaker response when you make it later.
Since memory is tied to emotion, you can still remember the things you wanted to say even after quite some time has passed by concentrating of the emotion and allowing the thoughts to return back to consciousness through it. Everything is energy and memory is energy. You have to feel back the energy of the emotion in order to feel back the memory.
Emotion is energy in motion. Perceive your emotion. An emotion can run without your conscious realization until you feel and become aware of it. You can also access the memory by carrying out the same physical motion or putting yourself in the same situation of things in motion around you when the memory formed. You can also do it mentally. You remember by reexperiencing the same energy in motion of the event.
Voicing your frustrations, anger and unhappiness with a spouse or loved one is also especially useful, helpful and liberating. Because after telling all those things, expressing your hurt and saying what you wish to happen and what not to. And that person has listened to you and your feelings and you felt heard, has understood you and feel what you feel, you can then give that person a hug and tell him/her that you love him/her.
Ideal relationships involve becoming authentic in the presence of another person and inviting that person to be authentic as well. This is the high road of relationship. But so long as the motivating force behind our relationships is fear, we will cling to masks even in our closest relationships and then wonder why our experience of intimacy is so empty.
What brings people closer together? The answer is emotion. All emotion is energy in motion. We are all beings of energy and when we experience emotion, we are being moved in one way or another. Whenever you experience an emotion whether positive or negative with someone, you form a connection with that person. The stronger the emotion, the stronger the connection. Emotions can be transmuted from one polarity to another. That is why “intense hate” can come from intense love. When a person you really love does something you really dislike, you would feel “intense hate” about it.
The person you really want to be with is the person who you can feel a lot of emotion with. An emotional relationship with lots of intense emotions experienced with a mix of both positive and negative ones would result in it being highly addictive for you and the other. That is because there will be a lot of creating, building up, experiencing and expressing of emotions. It is like a roller coaster ride that takes your emotions up and down and all over the place. You can feel extreme exhilaration one moment and immense depression the next. You can feel really blissful and contented at one time but then feel really disappointed, frustrated and angry at another time. There is a lot of venting, crying, hugging, comforting, getting pissed off, being in a daze, sighing, rejoicing. It is just so moving, so touching and beautiful and totally out of this world crazy like hell and heaven at the same time.
Truly, what you really feel out of all the insane and wonderful emotional experience is a lot of pleasure. The building up and expressing of emotion is the building up and releasing of tension. Which results in the experience of pleasure.
Pleasure is the psychic result of releasing tension, excitation or stimulus which arises within an organism. Pleasure seeks to culminate, to store up and release. The way to experience pleasure is to build up tension and release it. Pleasure is felt even in the process of building up tension because of an internal release taking place at the same time. There is a kind of pleasure where tension is build up and released at the same time. Feelings, vibrations or resonance are the process of tension and release. Vibrations move in and out, tension and release. Increased magnitude of vibration or combined multiple smaller vibrations results in increased pleasure.
The closest thing to describing vibration and feeling is music. The resonant, the shimmering, the multiple sounds, the sharp and mellow sound combination and the up-down emotional momentum are the most pleasure inducing effects in music and everything else. Pleasure and tension builds up from the energy and rhythm of things in flow. There are two kinds of pleasure that can be felt depending on the kind of vibration being experienced. One is the peaceful, gentle and soothing kind of pleasure that results from a constant and gentle vibration. The other is the passionate, powerful and immense kind of pleasure that results from a resonant and strong vibration.
A lot of things on the outside can control our emotions. Things such as music and love can take over our emotions so readily and fully that it cannot be helped, so there is no need to bother but to simply experience.